Long time coming...
Apologies to those who faithfully check in on my blogs... surely, it has been too long since my last post, and with such a gap I'll not do as much 'justice' to my life experiences as of late:) But I've got to begin again somewhere, so I'll give it my best shot.
Well, this semester with Carpe Diem has been unlike I ever would have imagined: heart-wrenching... of a rather painful kind, simply in the sense of my personal journey and what I've been forced to face about myself and my relationship with life. This is a good thing, no doubt, and ultimately I marvel at how lucky I am to be able to dig into large, sometimes dark questions in the manner I do... traveling through South East Asia.
We began in Siem Reap, Cambodia-- myself, my co-leader Brian, and three female students. From Angkor Wat, we slow-boated to Battambang where volunteered in a center for orphans and sexually trafficked girls, and finally on to the harsh stories of Pol Pot, with tours of S-21 and the Killing Fields. From there we flew to the UNESCO World Heritage city of Luang Prabang in Lao, from where we launched our 7-day trek and rafting trip:) After a few days recovery time in Luang Prabang, we bussed to the Thai border where we zip-lined in gibbon territory and slept in treehouses. After crossing the border by boat, we bussed to Chiang Mai. In our first week in Thailand, we meditated and yogied our time on an organic farm in a Buddhist retreat led by a former Wall Streeter named Matt.
Ironically, this peaceful time was the forerunner to 'the explosion' which, in hindsight, was of course rumbling... Where I found myself caught in a mucky middle between disgruntled students who were feeling misled and 'duped' and the organization which I pledge great respect and loyalty. Each of the three students has her story, and, ultimately, each story is meerly that-- a series of impressions we craft into our perspective which, mixing with our needs and nuances, spices our feelings and ensuing actions-- and in the process of trying to hold some sort of middle ground, my voice dissipated and my body rounded into self-protective form.
Rapidly the situation became one of micro-level diplomacy in which the young women asserted their desire to rework trip itinerary, and Brian and I swinging between celebrating their independence and initiative to do "service work" and maintaining a stricter line of 'our way or no way'. Ugh, thick... and a short window of time to decipher between the head and heart, ego and truth.
Unfortunately, our schools don't teach much of nonviolent communication, so I quickly felt the kryptonite-strength of anger and negativity sear the fabric of my hypersensitive soul. Through the cloudy 'negotiations' emerged a complicating agreement to rework our schedule to the interests of the students. In the wake of this, Brian and I lingered in what felt many times as victims of an abusive relationship (tad of an exaggeration:)), caught in what seemed an inescapable space.
Yoga and meditation in the plethora of Buddhist temples there reminded me steadily of what it means to detach from the drama, and find home in the eternal and constant peace of breath, of love. But a certain reminder that, as part of the interdependent human family, to feel the heaviness of angers, resentments, etc is part of carrying compassion at the forefront of soul. Thus is life.
So our lovely dysfunctional family struggled on in Chiang Mai as two volunteered at a dog shelter and another lost her compass a bit... I had an especially renewing experience at Pun Pun, an organic farm and seed-saving center north of Chiang Mai. A joyful monk there held my soul delicately for several days as I was reminded of what makes most sense to my being-- learning and growing with nature and nurturing community.
And finally we broke out of the stagnant energy of our guesthouse in Chiang Mai and traveled south... first to volunteer with disabled and HIV+ orphans in Bangkok, and then on to contribute to a bit of building with Moken people on a small island in the Andaman Sea. Each of these experiences a wonder in its own right...
After a night on a remote, peaceful island, we've made it further south to our site of departure for home: Phuket. Luckily in this over-developed tourist jungle we selected a guesthouse that rests on the hills above the madness, where I will gladly take refuge. The students are now completing their first day of the open water scuba diving course. Today they're in the classroom and pool and the next few days will spend the days on a boat exploring the world underwater...
I ponder each of these young women, which I've deemed my 'gurus', and am ultimately so hopeful for them, and grateful how they've hung in there despite the tumultuous nature of this three-month journey.
Wow, countless Great Lessons learned, and still learning. Though I hesitated on this decision, I'll be off on another semester in the spring-- back to my heartland of latin america-- Peru and Ecuador. A ver lo que baila el universo :)
Well, this semester with Carpe Diem has been unlike I ever would have imagined: heart-wrenching... of a rather painful kind, simply in the sense of my personal journey and what I've been forced to face about myself and my relationship with life. This is a good thing, no doubt, and ultimately I marvel at how lucky I am to be able to dig into large, sometimes dark questions in the manner I do... traveling through South East Asia.
We began in Siem Reap, Cambodia-- myself, my co-leader Brian, and three female students. From Angkor Wat, we slow-boated to Battambang where volunteered in a center for orphans and sexually trafficked girls, and finally on to the harsh stories of Pol Pot, with tours of S-21 and the Killing Fields. From there we flew to the UNESCO World Heritage city of Luang Prabang in Lao, from where we launched our 7-day trek and rafting trip:) After a few days recovery time in Luang Prabang, we bussed to the Thai border where we zip-lined in gibbon territory and slept in treehouses. After crossing the border by boat, we bussed to Chiang Mai. In our first week in Thailand, we meditated and yogied our time on an organic farm in a Buddhist retreat led by a former Wall Streeter named Matt.
Ironically, this peaceful time was the forerunner to 'the explosion' which, in hindsight, was of course rumbling... Where I found myself caught in a mucky middle between disgruntled students who were feeling misled and 'duped' and the organization which I pledge great respect and loyalty. Each of the three students has her story, and, ultimately, each story is meerly that-- a series of impressions we craft into our perspective which, mixing with our needs and nuances, spices our feelings and ensuing actions-- and in the process of trying to hold some sort of middle ground, my voice dissipated and my body rounded into self-protective form.
Rapidly the situation became one of micro-level diplomacy in which the young women asserted their desire to rework trip itinerary, and Brian and I swinging between celebrating their independence and initiative to do "service work" and maintaining a stricter line of 'our way or no way'. Ugh, thick... and a short window of time to decipher between the head and heart, ego and truth.
Unfortunately, our schools don't teach much of nonviolent communication, so I quickly felt the kryptonite-strength of anger and negativity sear the fabric of my hypersensitive soul. Through the cloudy 'negotiations' emerged a complicating agreement to rework our schedule to the interests of the students. In the wake of this, Brian and I lingered in what felt many times as victims of an abusive relationship (tad of an exaggeration:)), caught in what seemed an inescapable space.
Yoga and meditation in the plethora of Buddhist temples there reminded me steadily of what it means to detach from the drama, and find home in the eternal and constant peace of breath, of love. But a certain reminder that, as part of the interdependent human family, to feel the heaviness of angers, resentments, etc is part of carrying compassion at the forefront of soul. Thus is life.
So our lovely dysfunctional family struggled on in Chiang Mai as two volunteered at a dog shelter and another lost her compass a bit... I had an especially renewing experience at Pun Pun, an organic farm and seed-saving center north of Chiang Mai. A joyful monk there held my soul delicately for several days as I was reminded of what makes most sense to my being-- learning and growing with nature and nurturing community.
And finally we broke out of the stagnant energy of our guesthouse in Chiang Mai and traveled south... first to volunteer with disabled and HIV+ orphans in Bangkok, and then on to contribute to a bit of building with Moken people on a small island in the Andaman Sea. Each of these experiences a wonder in its own right...
After a night on a remote, peaceful island, we've made it further south to our site of departure for home: Phuket. Luckily in this over-developed tourist jungle we selected a guesthouse that rests on the hills above the madness, where I will gladly take refuge. The students are now completing their first day of the open water scuba diving course. Today they're in the classroom and pool and the next few days will spend the days on a boat exploring the world underwater...
I ponder each of these young women, which I've deemed my 'gurus', and am ultimately so hopeful for them, and grateful how they've hung in there despite the tumultuous nature of this three-month journey.
Wow, countless Great Lessons learned, and still learning. Though I hesitated on this decision, I'll be off on another semester in the spring-- back to my heartland of latin america-- Peru and Ecuador. A ver lo que baila el universo :)
posted by Amanda Joy at 1:01 AM
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