Dynamic silence

You know, I believe. Al profundo, y sigue profundizando... As I'm chasing down various rabbit holes on the internet as I job quest, reading about and listening to clips of people and organizations around the world, I settle into a rooted calm, a rooted smile. Not to overlook the extensive networks of destruction and exclusion, but the more I consider that movement, the more I feel a sense a pity for those enmeshed in such a way of being. We set ourselves free, whether in war-torn regions or the spirit-stifling atmosphere of consumer excess, we negotiate our journeys and have the potential to find guidance in bright stars of inspiration and transcendence that illuminate the way.

A month into my limbo stage, I have tapped into a few enduring fires... one, just how important it is to take the time, every day, to return to that stillness inside that sings of your personal truth... that truth you've tested over time, after moving through emotions and experiences whose common lessons have cycled over and over. The importance of bringing that inner light as the central mover of each thought and consequently each action... And two, that I thrive on learning through intense adventuring. Despite voices that might doubt my persistent wandering, there are several reasons why that works for me. In the flow, I maintain simplicity, relatively free from attachments to stuff, and primarily focused on relationships with others and relationship with nature. Meaning spirals into meaning, each time with added embers of intrigue and fascination. And three, that I will never cease to feel humbled and ever-grateful for the exquisite, extensive network of love and support that is the giant net over which I test my wings on the edge of risk, the edge of continued transformation.

So, I feed horses, run the muddy mesas with Chula, give massages and renew each day in Ganado as the dreams weave away whisper by whisper. The thunder in time, in time...

Melding me's

Outside in the cool, crisp air, peace flags fly in front of my parent’s cozy home—module #4 within the Sage Compound of the Navajo Nation. It’s my favorite time of day here… sunset. A spectacle that seems as if the heavens were parading in rainbow sheets celebrating another turning of the earth.

Each time I touch back here at “home base” I walk in with a different ‘me,’ though whether it’s entirely visible to my consciousness is another question. I know this last quest closed up the final section of the graduate school chapter, and with this a heart and gut-wrenching goodbye to a very special network of peacebuilders. We know we will forever be advocates for and supportors of one another-- that goes without question-- but I recognize the pain that comes with settling into a more distant connection with them.

Shifting life realities challenges us to reflect on what we want to ‘lift up’ from the one we left behind. As I reconnect with old friends here, I realize that the language I have gotten used to using, the way I have come to see the world, can be quite distinct from my peers here. Though I may feel threatened by this and instinct puts up some defense, I’ve found that in these moments I’m called to search for those bridges between what I’ve become and what other loved ones have become… to give voice to the moments that have rocked my being over the past few years, whether in word or action, and in sharing, rekindling caring connection.

The week I spent in Bali continues to speak to me as I reflect on the events that transpired. While I struggled with falling into the ‘tourist’ category, I found a niche that helped me somewhat transcend those walls. I went to Bali with no plan whatsoever, except with a promise that I’d go in the opposite direction of the drunken beach partiers. So I went up to Ubud, the artistic and cultural hub of Bali, and found a room among the rice fields with a lovely Balinese family—Made, Wayan, and their two children. Above me was a middle-aged couple—the woman, Julia, a healer and teacher from Australia, and the man, Mario, an antique store owner from Scotland (yes, relished the accent). This crew, along with a few other employees of ‘Bali Moon’ became the temporary caregivers for my whirling spirit. Made took me touring some special temples in Ubud (which turned out to be a bit complicated because I was cuntaka, or temporarily impure because I was on ‘moon time,’ and women aren’t granted access inside temples during menstruation). Wayan was busy the entire time making offering baskets in preparation for Gulungan, a special Hindu ceremony. She welcomed me to join her when she was presenting the offerings to the statue gods within the family temple, and gave me a few sticks of incense and flowers and told me to “do what you do in your religion.” Ah, and Julia and Mario completely opened their hearts and space to me. We went for long walks in the rice fields, lingered over scrumptious dinners, and spoke of the wonders of travel. I had gone planning to find a fortune teller, but what I learned from these unanticipated friendships spoke to me in many dynamic ways that released the need for any of the former.

There was a unique appreciation for all things living, and a way of moving slowly and prayerfully that whispers to me as the pressures of 'success' and 'accomplishment' that have loudly boxed me around still hover in the ring. I can only hope, through daily reflection, to keep present deep down the roots in which I believe. It is from these that I keep on building my bones, and from which I draw as I attempt to recreate my essence in employment applications.

For now, I'm in Ganado, and can be reached at 928.755.3529. Give a call to reconnect and/or if you have the perfect job for me:)

much love,
aj